


Pretender

by fairygel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairygel/pseuds/fairygel
Summary: In the underground, not everyone survives. Medically trained from young, you live in the underground tending to those in need but when an opportunity rises, you take it without looking back.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	1. baby face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to a massive brain fart-fanfiction! Is this a drabble? A short-story? I don't heckin' know! 
> 
> Just wanted to write a story and so I did. You basically grow in each chapter until I tell you to stop, so that's fun.
> 
> Also, a heads up if you will: I don’t know where this is going. I listened to ‘Pretender’ by officialhigedandism while writing this (thus the title) so listen to it for a rough feel of what I want to achieve!
> 
> *story has been edited to fit a mobile screen so if you're reading this with your computer, I'm sorry for the weird structure!
> 
> **my chapters are lightly edited so if you spot a mistake anywhere, let me know! 
> 
> *** Vira (Veera)
> 
> ✿ love you! ✿

You ran through the streets, feet slapping against the pavement while your hair flew wildly around your face. Catching a glimpse of the white cross against your red armband, the crowd parted, clearing off the path to let you through. 

_Must be an urgent one,_ they thought. 

As you turned the street, you spotted the red mark on the door, the angry red paper spurring your feet faster, practically slamming into the door while you banged against it. 

_“Get the door.”_

The muffled voices grew louder as the door opened.

Your eyes zeroed in to the man seated on a wooden chair, his usually neat hat was placed haphazardly on the table, his knuckles a bloody mess and a bloody cloth pressed over his shoulder.

The young boy looked at you in disbelief. “Alone today, Vira?”

You hummed in reply, dropping your bag beside the chair. “Mama said I could handle this. She’s helping someone give birth today.”

“Is she now?” The older man raised his brow but questioned no further. If Myra trusted her brat, than he would too.

Who else would be crazy enough to tend to Kenny the Ripper?

“May I, Uncle Kenny?”

He grunted in response, lowering the bloodied cloth as you inspected the bullet wound. 

“Bad news kid, bullet’s still in there. My fat fingers wouldn't let me get anywhere near it.”

“It’s okay, mama sent me here for a reason.” 

He watched as you quickly gathered your supplies, laying a white cloth on the table beside him. With precision, you laid out the metal basin, forceps and suture kit, plopping the alcohol and gauze beside them. The smell of antiseptic wafted through his nostrils and he looked away, leaving you to sterilise your tools. 

“Levi, come help her with whatever. Learn something while you’re at it.”

He felt a bottle being thrust into his hand and he frowned.

“Mama said you might need it.” 

The corners of his lip curled upwards as he thanked the heavens for Myra's consideration. She knew him too well and he was grateful, his attitude instantly picking up instead of being sour. He smacked the top of the bottle against the table, ignoring the jolt of pain that shot through his shoulder. Muttering a few curses, he took a hefty swig from the bottle, eager to get this done and over with.

“Levi, are your hands clean? Can you help me hold this part down?” 

Angling the forceps, he gritted his teeth and nodded, hearing the squelch as you inserted the forceps into the wound. 

You winced at sound, ignoring your bloodied fingers as you searched around for the bullet. Bullets were annoying and messy but in all honesty, you would take a bullet to glass any day. Bullets were easy to manage but glass? Glass was on a whole nother level.

His eyes darted around the room before settling on the two children before him. Both of you carried the same, fierce determination in your eyes and he felt a blooming feeling in his chest. It awakened a sliver of hope in his cold heart and he yearned for a better future for the two of you. 

At six, you should have been playing games with other brats on the street yet here you were, fingers deep in blood. The underground was a harsh, unforgiving battlefield and you already had your fair share of treating stab wounds, drunken brawls and bullet wounds. With such talent, you could live a better life above. Medics were a necessity, surely there was a spot waiting for you?

_Who was he kidding?_

There was no future for underground brats like you and he could only hope that you would survive whatever perilous journey life threw at you.

Giving it a hard tug, out came the little demon. "It's out!" The smooth metal bullet rested on your palm as you set it against the cloth on the table. Prodding it with your forceps, you hummed in satisfaction seeing that it was whole. 

At least there was no need to dig around for stray pieces.

Leaving Levi to do the cleaning, your nose scrunched in disgust at the sight of your bloodied hands, excusing yourself to go to the sink where you scrubbed harshly at your fingers.

Kenny gave a low chuckle as he watched you. “Still not used to it?”

Shaking your head, you looked at your hands before making your way back to help Levi with the dressing. After being satisfied with it, you moved onto the bloody knuckles. 

“I don’t like the slimy feeling.” 

“And your training? Levi going easy on you?”

Flashing him a toothy grin, you lifted up your hand to show the thin scar on your little forearm. “I got my first scar, Uncle Kenny!”

“Did you now?” He nodded in approval. 

If he could up your chances of survival in this dingy underground, he would. He owed you this much, hell, he owed Myra this much. If he couldn’t protect you, the least he could do was teach you how to protect yourself. 

“Do better and maybe you can put your mark on him next time.” 

Your eyes lit up as you bundled up your tools in the white cloth. “I’ll put a smiley face!”

The boy beside you snorted, ruffling up your hair. 

“Here,” Kenny placed a pouch into your bag, nestling it between the bottle of alcohol and leftover gauze. “Grab an apple on your way out. Tell your ma I owe her one.”

“She’s counting the favors alright! Bye Uncle Kenny, bye Levi! Take care!”

They watched as you became smaller in the distance, the older man nodding gesturing to your disappearing figure. “Make sure she gets home safe.” 

With a nod, the boy followed you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering about the age gap between you and Levi, it's about 10 years or so. It could be lesser or more even, if that's how you choose to imagine it, do what you want boo!


	2. smiley face & dancing strawberries

The chill in the air had a certain bite to it.

The hairs on the back of your hand stood as it permeated through the fibres of your jacket. The thread on your sleeves were coming loose and it didn’t help that you absentmindedly picked at them. The colour had faded and you only wore it because of the smiley faces and the dancing strawberries.

_"Thank you, Vira!"_

You waved back, nearly skipping you way home.

The last one had been an eyesore, _a drunken brawl,_ shattered glass and hours of picking them out left your back aching and your eye twitching. Not to mention the forceps having left little dents on the bed of your fingers. If anything, the thought of home spurred you faster.

A dull ache was starting to build up on the sides of your temples. It was something you wished you could get used to but alas, it came like a thief in the night, quiet and random.

“You should really get a new jacket.”

Giving him a side-eye, you hummed in reply.

As happy as you were to see your friend, this could only mean that he had free time on his hands and free time meant more training for you. Of course you were grateful, Levi was as good as they came but with your body sore and in dire need of rest, his presence soured your mood. 

_I'm going to die in my sleep._

Death could literally come in the silence of the night and you would jump into their arms, hooking yours around their neck in the hopes of getting whisked away to a land where no one gets tired.

The streets were eerily silent, save for the sound of your footsteps. It was unnerving to some, how he could move with the grace of a cat. His footsteps carried little to nothing and he didn’t carry a presence with him, almost like a ghost in the wind.

“I would but I’d rather spend money on something else. ‘Sides, you can’t get cute shit like this anywhere.”

Reaching over, he gave your forehead a swift flick as you attempted to bat him away. Despite having grown taller, he was still a full head taller than you and you couldn’t swat him away no matter how hard you tip-toed.

“Think about yourself for once. Can’t go around tending to the sick if you get sick yourself.”

“True. How’s your wrist?”

“Tch, don’t try changing the subject.” Rotating his wrist in the dimly lit streets, there was soft pops as he cracked his knuckles. “Good as new and don’t think you’re getting away from training. Kenny will have your head and mine.”

Giving an offended scoff, you placed a hand over your chest. “I would _never_. It's not like _I'm tired_ or anything.”

He replied with a glare, hands kept in his pockets while you continued to pick on the threads on your sleeve. “Brat.”

“Shit face.”

Entering the cosy interior, you set your bag down, throwing whatever needed to be sterilised into a metal tray and plopping it into the sink. Red tendrils swirled into the sink and you sighed. It felt like there were so many things to do but all you wanted to do was sleep.

Gently pulling your arms out of the sweater, you took great care in folding it. It was a gift from your mother and you treasured it gratefully. Things like these did not come easy in the underground and you were willing to go the extra mile to extend its lifespan.

Draping it over the top of the chair, you settled for the white t-shirt you had under, pulling out the knife from your pocket. 

The knife felt heavy in the palm of your hand, the blade catching the light off of the candle. It held a good weight and you knew you could trust it if you ever needed to use it but that wasn't your favourite part of the knife though.

It was the wooden hilt of the knife in which someone took great care in carving. Ornate flowers and little strawberries danced all around it but if you looked closer, you swore you could make out a little smiley face. 

"Ready?"

He circled around you, playing with his own set of knives while he corrected your stance.

”Step one...”

...

He bounced his knee, arms folded over his chest as he stared into the distance.

Beside him, you were finishing a bowl of oatmeal, his own empty in front of him. The night was silent save for your mother snoring in the next room.

"Hey," you started. "Do you think you'll ever leave the underground?" 

Levi wasn't one to talk about his feelings but this was a sensitive subject for him. While it was a shock that Uncle Kenny suddenly upped and left him, mama welcomed him with open arms. Still, you should have kept your mouth shut, should have mulled it over before asking such a sensitive question but your curiosity had taken the best of you.

The shadows on his face made him look more intimidating than usual but his face remained blank.

_If there was a chance, would he take it? Would he ever leave?_

He would if that meant you and Mama Myra would be up with him, but that was a fat chance. Ever so rarely did anyone get to have a life above, not after growing up in the underground. 

Shrugging, he raised a teasing eyebrow at you. "Do you think _you'll_ ever leave the underground?" 

"If I had the chance, yes." 

His brows furrowed for a fleeting second before he masked his emotions. How was it so easy for you to say yes? Although, why wouldn't you? You were a promising medic, knowledgeable about all types of injuries the underground had provided you and you were easy to get along with. 

But why did he feel so _bitter_?

"...but I'm not gonna leave you and mama alone. I'll come for both of you! We could live in a big house and I can plant flowers and maybe even keep a dog." 

_Oh_.

His heart softened and the bitterness melted away, of course you weren't gonna leave him. You weren't one to leave your loved ones behind, he was simply afraid of history repeating itself, of being alone.

Snorting, he flicked your forehead, "If you think I'm gonna live alongside a dog, you're deeply mistaken."

"Why not?" Your mouth dropped downwards while you watched as he washed his bowl. "He won't be in your room, he can sleep in mine! Wait! Where are you going?"

_Oh Vira, you've done it now._

You tugged on his wrist, eager to apologise if you did indeed hurt his feelings. Levi was the only friend you had and you didn't want to ever lose him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset or anything."

"You didn't." There was a ghost of a smile on his face and he kept his gaze down. "I have to settle something but I'll be back soon."

The night went by and you carried guilt in your heart as you tucked yourself into bed. In the morning, you woke up to a brown parcel sitting on the edge of your bed.


	3. mister death

Death was inevitable, a default setting in the story that was bound to happen one way or another. 

If only you could beg at the feet of the reaper, beg him for the smallest mercy of time to prepare for his visit, to be able to wish mama goodbye before he swept her off into a perilous journey to the afterlife. 

_Oh, how you would beg._

He didn’t grant you your wish, didn’t allow you even the slightest sliver of hope as he whisked your mother away in the dead of the night.

_“You can’t save everyone, Vira.”_

The hushed whisper echoed through your mind and the floor seemed to sway under your feet as you swallowed down the bitter concoction of sadness and loneliness. 

_I'll try._

With a deep breath, you steadied a hand against the rough bark of the wooden door, opening it to a myriad of flowers and little gifts that had accumulated outside. It was the community’s way of paying their respects, a ‘ _thank you for saving us, we’re sorry we couldn’t do the same_ ’ way of showing appreciation. 

The plague was merciless, sweeping through the houses of the underground, taking both young and old, resulting in a wipe out. One could say that it was a terrible thing to have happened, especially to a community as poor as the underground inhabitants but the truth to the matter was that despite the numerous lost, it left people with more food to eat. 

It was the bitter truth and you hated it. 

The underground inhabitants deserved so much more than what was given to them, more love, more care and more attention from the government but we were left as the forgotten ones. 

The world was cruel.

A foot wedged itself against the closing door and you gave a humourless laugh. “Yes, Levi please _do_ come in.” You didn't want any visitors and you were not in the mood to talk, simply wishing to be alone with your feelings but he clearly had other plans.

His eyes studied your face, no doubt seeing the tear streaks and dark circles. To others, he looked emotionless, bored even, but you knew better. “How are you holding up?”

“I-I’m…” _Fine._ You wanted to say it, you really did but the lump in your throat was impossible to ignore and it was all becoming too overwhelming as you choked on a sob. 

He took you gently by the arm, pulling you into his chest while you emptied your tear ducts. _“I miss her.”_

It broke him, hearing how pained you were and he could only hum in reply, holding back his own set of emotions while he held you close. Losing Mama Myra was just as bad as when Kenny had left, if not worst. An icy chill seeped through his chest at the thought of his own mother, small fingertips on her pale, unmoving arm and Kenny, a disappearing face in the crowd.

Yet amongst the painful memories, there were kind brown eyes and gentle hands cradling his face. Mama myra was there for him throughout, opening her house and heart to him.

It was a fresh wound added to a collection of scars he held in his heart.

He stroked your hair, waiting patiently for your sobs to subside and he envied you, how you wore your heart on your sleeve, no expectations to live up to and no image to uphold. 

"I don't know what to do anymore." Your voice was muffled against his shirt and if you weren't sad and crying, he would have no doubt shaken you. 

"You're gonna cry your little heart out today and tomorrow, you're gonna go out there and continue her legacy."

Nodding, you didn't bother with wiping away your tears, letting them fall onto the floor under you. (Save for the snot. The snot had to _go_.)

“Now come on, stupid.” He gave your hair a ruffle, tugging you towards the kitchen. Swiping a finger on the kitchen counter, he pulled away in disgust. “Your kitchen is disgusting.” 

Snorting, you batted his hand away. “Don’t touch it then!”

“Tch, go wash up. You look like shit.”

Sniffling a laugh, you threw a cloth at him.

"You're so stupid."

"At least I don't look like shit."

The world was cruel but tonight, it was quite alright.


	4. angy spongebob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell by now, I'm shit at coming up with summaries and titles, hence I've devised a way to label chapter titles: going with whatever I can come up with in the first 10 seconds. In this chapter: Angy spongebob! 
> 
> (◕▽◕✿)

The ODM gear fell on the floor with a thud.

Freeing yourself from the leather contraption, you fetched your medical bag, plopping it on the table as the man dragged himself to the chair. Sending him a myriad of glares, you set to work on his shoulder.

With a snip, you gave the stitch an experimental tug, rewarding you with a pained hiss. The man shot you an annoyed glare over his shoulder, sweat beading on his forehead while his hand hovered protectively over the covered wound. “Did you have to?”

“DiD yOu hAvE tO?” You mocked. After all the constant reminders, this man had the audacity, _audacity,_ to go against simple orders. Raising an eyebrow, you held his gaze. “Did you want the slap that was supposed to come with it too? You were _supposed_ to lay low.”

He mumbled a thanks while you angrily gathered your tools. As much as you wanted to properly communicate your anger, times like these reverted you back into your passive-aggressive self and it wasn't a pretty (nonetheless healthy) sight for anyone.

There was no room to mourn when you lived in the underground and it was evident in the past few weeks you had spent cleaning out cuts and treating shoulder dislocations, along with the occasional stab wounds like the idiot in front of you. He was supposed to lay low, keep out of trouble while she picked up the pieces and mourned, but noOooOo.

Maybe it was the world’s way of distracting you from the lonely thoughts or maybe it was telling you to get over it and move on. Either way, it was a small mercy. At least there wasn’t time for you to ponder over your shortcomings.

“You know what to do, Farlan.”

“Yeah, yeah. I do, thanks again -”

“Excuse me.” 

There was a shuffle before you whirled around to meet the source. Brown eyes met gray ones and you inched closer to Farlan for support. All these years spent in the underground and not once had you seen this man. Living here was simple, do whatever it takes for you to survive and know your enemies.

Sharing a glance, Farlan's fingers hovered hovered his pockets where the hilt of the knives barely visible. If this indeed ended in a fight, it would be a messy one. Farlan was an expert in knives while you, well, knives were all you had. If anything, you would be annoyed- you literally just deep-cleaned the floor this morning.

“Can I help you?” 

Glass spectacles glinted dangerously in the candle-fire, his long expensive-looking coat swishing behind him.

_Who is this dude?_

“No but,” his eyes swept the room, almost as if he was unsure what to make of it. “Is this a clinic? I’m actually looking for someone. Myra Reeder, do you know her?"

Dipping his hand into his pocket, he produced a crumpled piece of paper. "I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I’m even in the right place but-”

“What for?”

Something about this man was off, his eyes were too shiny for your liking yet there was something strikingly _familiar_ about him.

"I beg your pardon?"

You narrowed your eyes and you sighed in annoyance. Whatever the world had planned, this wasn't it chief. "You're looking for Myra Reeder. What for?"

“She was an acquaintance of mine actually. Is she around?”

_Ah, that made sense._

You gave Farlan a look, to which he responded by retracting his hands although still lingering close to his pockets. 

“She’s dead.” You deadpanned. “You must be Doctor Jaeger? Yeager? Mama mentioned you a few times, said you were one of her only friends from up above.”

His brows furrowed, a tinge of sadness flickering across his eyes. “I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

You gave him a nod, your arms crossed defensively across your chest.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m Vira, nice to meet you, Doc. While I appreciate the sentiment, the past few days haven’t been kind to me. I'm sorry for your wasted trip but is there anything else I can help you with?” There wasn’t much to offer in the empty house and the best you could do sat in a glass jug. “Water?” You asked, holding up a cup. 

“I’m good, thank you Vira. That is all,” He gave you a nod, heels turning to leave. “I should have came sooner. I’m sorry for your loss, I really am.”

You shrugged.

There was nothing he could have done to change what happened, even if the sadness within your heart sought for reasons to project your pain, to blame him for her death. It was nothing anyone could foresee and you were learning to accept it.

_“It happens.”_

The water boiled and the metal tools clanked against each other while they sank to the bottom of the pot. You swore you felt him leave but was startled when his voice echoed through the house.

“Actually,” his grey eyes glowing in the shadows. “I have a proposition for you."

…

The paper lay crumpled on the table, the silence in the room _deafening_.

“It all checks out.” Furlan mumbled. ”He’s legit.” 

Levi scoffed, grey eyes shining over the white tea cup. “I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t trust _anyone_.” You muttered.

“Eager to become his own personal sex slave, Vira?”

“What the fuck are you trying to say? I am _not_ becoming his sex slave! Mama told me about him."

“Yet you have no proof that it’s really him.”

Holding the paper up, you looked at him confused. “It’s right here! What else do you want?” You were torn between wanting to cry in frustration and wanting to throttle him in confusion. Which would win, you would never know.

“You’re not going.” 

"What?"

He sipped on his tea, "I said, you're not going."

“Why? I'm not a child anymore! God, Levi. The least you can do is tell me why.”

His eyes remained cool, the only giveaway was his tense shoulders and the way his posture was rigid straight. 

“That's it, that's all I wanna know. Why you won't let me go up when there's probably more people I can help!”

He avoided your eyes, opting to watch the leaves float around his tea instead. It was this side of him you hated, closing himself off and not bothering to explain anything as if people could read his mind. You wanted to smack the teacup out of his hand.

"We've talked about this before remember? I'll come back for you and Furlan and we can live in a big house!"

“You’re not going.” His tone was final and it felt like a slap to your face.

They watched as you stormed into your room, the walls shaking slightly as the door slammed behind you. To say the tension in the room was thick was an understatement.

“You’ve done it now.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Why indeed?_

_"But I'm not gonna leave you and mama alone. I'll come for both of you! We could live in a big house and I can plant flowers and maybe even keep a dog."_

_"If you think I'm gonna live alongside a dog, you're deeply mistaken."_

_"Why not? He won't be in your room, he can sleep in mine! Wait! Where are you going? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset or anything."_

_"You didn't."_

All he wanted was the best for you but the truth of the matter sunk in: he couldn’t protect you if you went where he could not follow.

A voice at the back of his head taunted him, was this what he really wanted for you? Or was it just a sorry excuse to keep you here with him? To keep you from becoming another memory added to his collection. Either way, who was _he_ to keep you from doing what you wanted to do?

“I’ll settle it.” 

Knocking on the door, he braced himself for an angry lashing but met with no response. He was shit with words but he was trying, you knew he was trying.

“Reeder, I’m coming in.”

The door gave a loud creak and all he was greeted with was an open window, the curtains swaying in the wind.


	5. crispy air and thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

_“...citizenship on the surface.”_

He stood rooted to the ground, the words replaying in his mind. 

_Was this it? Was this gonna lead him out of this hellhole? Would this lead him back to you?_

He wanted to laugh, your question fresh in his head as though years hadn’t already passed.

 _"Do you think you'll ever leave the underground?"_

It was sickening, how it eventually came back to him- the conversation at the table, the night he made you cry, the curtains swaying in the empty room.

_“I’ll tell you one thing, regardless if you accept this job or not, the target will still make contact. In other words, you can’t remain unrelated in this matter.”_

He shook his head. 

The world truly had a sick sense of humour or maybe it was the world’s way of telling him to suck it up and apologise or else. 

Either way, he had a job to do.

...

You awoke with a scream, heart pounding as you pondered over the nightmare of Levi and Farlan. 

_The swish of the ODM Gear as they whooshed past you, the cables whizzing past you as it attached itself to the wall. When you turned the corner, what awaited you turned your blood cold. They were hanging, in unnatural angles, eyes fixed in a blank stare and the cables coiled tightly around them while they swayed gently. Lifeless._

If death was the devil, guilt was the ghost haunting your every thoughts.

Your heart still carried the ache of guilt and many nights you thought about whether what you did was the right thing. Nights turned into months and months turned into years yet, you never reached an answer. It was not to say you weren’t grateful for Doctor Yeager, merely reaching an understanding that you had conflicting reasons for leaving the underground, reasons that did not entirely resonate with your being.

It was a selfish decision fuelled by selfish thoughts and justifying it by saying you could have a chance to save more people was downright cruel. Not to mention the way you left it off with Levi and Farlan, the only two who actually looked out for you but were left behind because you were a selfish child. 

_But that was what you were,_ you argued. _A mere child who thought she was more than capable enough to fend for herself._

The curtains swayed in the room, the gentle breeze cooling the sweat on your temples. It felt like a messenger sent to mock you, reminding you of the empty words you said.

_“I’ll come back for you and Farlan…”_

If words could bite, your ass was _raw_.

Just how many empty promises were you going to make?

You wanted to visit them, wanted to bring them up here like you said you would but would they come? Would they turn you away? If you wrote to them, would they trash your letter? Burn it into ashes? You wanted so badly to reach out to them but your ego was hurt and pride kept you from picking up a pencil. 

_I’ll prove it to them. I can help more people out here._

Ignoring the heaviness of your chest, you focused on your tasks in the day ahead.


	6. amends

_ Vira, _

_ I hope you’re doing well.  _

_ Levi and I have a job on the surface. It’s been awhile but we hope to meet you when all is said and done. _

_ We have an addition to the team, her name is Isabel and you’ll love her. Levi won’t admit it but he misses you too.  _

_ See you soon! _


	7. sad face

For months you waited,

eager for the confirmation but there was nothing. No follow up to the letter, no updates, no "sorry we got caught up".

_Nothing._

It left a bitter taste in your mouth and the thought of it made your stomach uneasy. It was unlike them to hold off for this long without any follow ups. _Did something happen? Were they okay?_ _You should write to them, ask them if they're doing okay_. Yet, a voice deep within argued back. _No! Let them come to you when they're ready._

_Clink! Clank!_

The siren of the night was calling you to sleep but cleaning up was ingrained in your system thanks to a certain _someone_ and no way did you want to spend the night in silence, alone with your thoughts. _They are okay, probably just chilling somewhere. Don't assume and make yourself suffer._

The sound of metal filled the room as you gathered them into a metal tray, the room warmed by the heat radiating out of the large, boiling water pot. You went around the small infirmary, fluffing up the pillows and disposing of any used bandages. 

You were only starting to sterilise the instruments when your heart started to race against your chest along with a budding headache that was slowly making your head throb.

_Eh? That’s --_

The door slammed open, the wooden slam reverberating across the empty room as his grey eyes zeroed in on you, one hand against the door, the other wielding a knife. The candles flickered briefly, illuminating the shadows on his face and your heart raced as you were taken back to the days you spent in the Underground, zipping around the city with your medical bag slung across your chest.

_Could it be?_

"Levi?"

Confusion swept across his eyes and left as quickly as it came. “Don’t move.”

_No, not Levi._

With a raised eyebrow and disappointed sigh, you spoke. “Yes?”

It didn’t help that the headache had now spread, the dull throb of it beat against the sides of your temples.

“I said don’t move!”

_I swear to --_

You flinched at the volume, his yelling not helping your headache at all. Although you had to give it to him, he didn’t seem to back down. Despite being somewhat impressive, it only irritated you further, as if finishing a late night session was not enough, the heavens decided to grace you with a headache AND a loud-ass imbecile.

“You storm into _my_ clinic, in the middle of the fucking night and you think _you_ can tell me what to do?”

Quick as a flash, you hurled a scalpel towards the intruder, landing inches away from the web between his index and thumb. His face visibly paled against the dim-lit room, now almost the same shade of the handkerchief covering the lower half of his face. The knife in his hand lowered slightly and you swore you could see it trembling. “I-I-”

“Where?” You snapped.

“What? I-”

“Son, don’t.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, inhaling deeply. “I’ve been here all day. You’re not the first and you’re not the last. Bring them in.”

He lowered his knife, shoulders hunched as he avoided your gaze. “I-but...We don’t have any money.”

“Did I stutter? I said bring them in. As much as I’d like to leave this toasty clinic, I still have a lot of cleaning up to do. Besides, I bet your friend would appreciate the warmth.” Turning back to the instruments, you busied your hands, calling to him over your shoulder. “Don’t keep me waiting, kid.” 

_Just another day in the clinic._


	8. uh-oh

The birds chirped ahead of you, a slight breeze in the air as the clinic's signboard swayed lightly. 

It was a gorgeous afternoon, yet something about it was _off_. A dull throb against your temples but an empty clinic.

 _Strange_.

Something was wrong, terribly wrong and you couldn’t shake it off. The only way to quell this fevered anxiety was to protect yourself the way you knew, the way you remembered. 

The leather was long worn, looking like it hadn’t seen the light of day, which of course hadn’t and the harness was tight against your body albeit somewhat familiar and comforting. Running a finger down the strap, it felt soft, worn in and you wondered why you brought it up with you, seeing as to how you didn’t have the actual ODM Gear with you.

Just the straps and the chest contraption alone made it useless, yet somehow it made you feel safe. Perhaps it was its sentimental value, the memories attached to it reminding you of Levi and Farlan, reminding you of the roots and the environment which shaped your whole being. Capable, independent and strong, you could take care of yourself, a fact proven in the last few years.

_I hope I don’t have to use this._

You went about your day, tending to the injured while the headache grew. The air stilled around you and you paused - 

a thunderous boom.


	9. street race

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo!
> 
> I used a sentence starter for this one and I gotta say, I like it alot. Hope everyone's doing well! 
> 
> (◕▽◕✿)

The world did not end in a bang or a whisper, but rather, one scream at a time.

Gone were the blue skies and colourful tents as the titans raged about, awakening a fear you never thought you had.

Shiganshina was in shambles.

Homes were destroyed, rocks perched atop roofs and some, a blockade. What once were streets bustling with people had now turned into a bloodied battlefield.

You stood through it all, the static snap in the air, the titan’s beady eyes peering over the wall and the disaster that followed after. Your feet had rooted themselves onto the ground, terrified screams all around you as you watched.

Watched as the thundering footsteps echoed through the fields.

_ You, _

Watched as unnatural faces & eerie smiles peered around the corners for their meals, picking up humans as if they were strawberries.

_ can’t, _

Watched as the world you deemed ‘safe’, turned into a hunting ground for the weak.

_ save, _

Could you save them all?

_ everyone. _

“Vira, go!”

A shove and you were swaying. Garbled words forming into a sentence as your brows furrowed. 

“Head to the dock! Save yourself while you can!”

The blonde head curved round the corner and you were pulled in as well, feet moving to their own accord. A small hand gripped yours and you paused. His blue eyes were wide with fear, his blonde hair swaying with the wind.

“Come on miss! Mr Hannes said we should go.”

Snapped out of your stupor, you rushed back into the infirmary, filling your backpack full of whatever you could, the cold whispers spurring you on. 

_ “You can’t save everyone, Vira.” _

Gritting your teeth, you ran out hand in hand with little Armin.  _ I’ll fucking try. _

Joining the crowd of people running, you kept Armin close beside you. You couldn’t shield him from the horrors of the street but you navigated swiftly around them, just like the underground.

A scream tore through the air and you locked eyes with Armin. There was a flurry of movement and you pushed him towards the tearful old man. “Go with your grandpa, Armin.”

Not needing to be told twice, he rushed to his grandpa and you ran back towards where you heard the scream, stopping once to grab a blade from a fallen soldier. 

_ “Step one, never go to a fight unprepared.” _

The blade had a nice weight to it, the frayed end of the wire slapped the inside of your wrist as you hurried forward. 

_ “Step two, keep your feet light.” _

There ahead of you was lay a soldier propped up against the wall, his hand pressed against a dark mark on his side. The titan turned its attention to him as blood dribbled from its lips, an arm dangling from its mouth.

_ "Take your time. There’s no need to rush in a fight.” _

You waited in the shadows, biding your time as you signalled the soldier to relax. You gritted your teeth, he was just a kid. Old men were sending kids off to their deaths. 

His eyes widened in fear, swallowing a scream as the titan held him in its grasp.

_ “When the time is right, make it clean. A clean cut goes a long way.” _

Propelling your body forward, you jumped on a crate and brought the blade down. A swift motion that left the soldier writing on the floor in pain as steam enveloped him. The titan held its stump in confusion, its beady eyes leaving its meal.

_ “Read the room, know when to leave the fight. Better injured than dead.” _

Making use of the distraction, you urged the soldier to his feet, sharing his weight as you hobbled your way to safety. 

“We won’t make it.” He gasped.

You propped him against a wall, finding shelter among the carts of vegetable surrounding you.

“Give me your gear.” You threw off your outerwear, heart racing as thunderous footsteps came closer.

“Wha-”

“Give me your fucking gear!” You screamed.

Hands fumbled around the straps and the ODM gear and you both struggled to attach the right things to the harness you had on. 

The shadow of the titan loomed behind you and carried him bridal style. 

_ Muscle memory don’t fucking fail me now. _

“Hang on!”

The metal anchors shot off into the distance, a deafening swoosh in the air as you whisked him away from this nightmare.


	10. calling

The infirmary was bustling with movement, injured soldiers laying helplessly on the ground as the handful of nurses worked around them.

You stuck out like a sore thumb, black civilian attire with ODM Gear, earning you a few glances but no one stopped you.

_Time was too precious._

Helping him along the wall, you sat him down as you got to work. The smell of antiseptic and the soft fabric of the bandages eased your mind, years of tending to wounds left your hands in auto-pilot. 

“Press on that.”

He gave a groan as you applied a little bit more pressure over his hand.

“You’re doing well, kid. How are you holding up?”

He could only whimper as the events took its toll on him. Tears were pouring out of his eyes as he no doubt recalled his comrades being eaten.

“It’s gonna hurt, so bear with me, yeah?”

You gently lifted up the cloth, ignoring his pained whimpers while you applied the alcohol and bandages. 

“Alcohol! We need more alcohol over here!” 

Glancing up, you took a new bottle out of your bag. “Head’s up!”

The nurse looked over, brows furrowed as she took in your attire. Catching the bottle, she nodded at you before turning to her patient.

"Alright, keep this on, you hear?” You gave his face a light pat. “You did well kid.”

“Hands, I need hands here!” Another nurse called out. 

You quickly shed the ODM Gear, setting it beside the kid before moving to the straps, which you tucked away in your bag. Slinging the bag over your shoulder, you ran to the nurse to assist and followed her instructions. Alcohol, bandages, suture kits, you supplied them with whatever you could, your bag almost empty save for the leftover bandages and bottle of alcohol.

“Thank you love, I’ll take over from here.”

Another pair of hands replaced yours and the scene unfolded before you. Standing in the chaos of it all, there was no way to explain it - the smell of alcohol, the bandages and the blood.

 _You belonged here._

This was where you were supposed to be.

“Hey, thank you for that. It's not everyday an angel shows up with extra supplies.”

Facing the blonde haired doctor and the nurses around her, you gave them a smile. She guided you out of the infirmary, a hand on your back as she brought you to her office.

“We could use more of you around here. What do you think about…”

The night came eventually and you walked out of her office.

You checked on the boy, sleeping peacefully while you quietly changed the dressing.

And then you left.

Almost like you were never there.


	11. saving grace

Years had passed since the fall of Wall Maria. 

A catastrophic event which only snowballed into bloodshed and the deaths of many of his comrades yet not once did he keep you out of his mind.

_The titan fell, steam encompassing its body as the figures continued their escape. They were fast, zipping through the streets like a playground. He tailed close behind, intrigued by the civilian donning ODM Gear._

_He narrowed his eyes, it couldn’t be._

_Dark hair fluttered wildly around her, in her arms no doubt an injured one._

_“Cover them!” he barked, he needed to confirm._

_“Yes, Captain!”_

_It had to be you. No one else would be this stupid and brave._

You had slipped out of his fingers once again, the guilt he carried in his heart ever-present as he recalled the bitter memories from the past. He was hard on you, he would admit, but neither of you knew better. Perhaps he should have listened to what you had to say, should have treated you like an equal and not someone who needed to be coddled. 

He should have gone after you while he had the chance, while you were right in front of him.

_“She didn’t tell me anything.”_

_The boy was a sputtering mess trembling from head to toe, a bloodied bandage on his side as his eyes roamed frantically._

_“She was an angel Captain. She-she came from no where and cut me out of that monster’s hand, flew us out of there.”_

_He narrowed his eyes, “Where did she go?”_

_"I-I don’t know, Sir. Weaved us in and out of the streets and patched me up before she left.”_

_“Tch.” Useless._

_Beside him, a blonde eyebrow was raised. Erwin was a cool-headed man, but this street hero had captured his attention._ _It was unheard of, civilians using ODM Gear without proper training, yet the only exception stood beside him with an irritated glare._

_“Someone you know?”_

_“Unfortunately.”_

_A nurse moved in, cleaning the wound of the boy and changing the dressing, no doubt having heard the conversation._ _She reached out a hand, giving his arm a light pat. “Excuse me dear, I hear your asking about the civilian who graced us with her presence, yes?”_

_She worked on the boy's dressing, looking up from her work, almost giddy with excitement._ _“She was heaven-sent, that one! Came swooping in with the boy in her arms and just so happened to have a bag of extra supplies we needed. Helped around the infirmary too, before leaving.”_

_“Did she speak to anyone?”_

_The elder pondered for a moment, “If I’m not mistaken, Dr. Shan was the last one she spoke to before she left. She’s still in her office, why don’t you pay her a visit?”_


	12. field medic

She stood unrecognised.

Her hair was longer, held back in a neat bun. The baby fat on her cheeks had melted and she had taken on a rosy glow yet there was still an emptiness to her eyes.

_Did you actually manage to push through the three years of training and the hell before that?_

It was hard to believe that you were still here. Years of pushing through obstacles and suicidal thoughts and the occasional "Am I where I'm supposed to be?" yet here you were. Alive and pushing.

Smoothening out the collars, you adjusted the dress, the uniform that set you apart from the soldiers around you. You were still a soldier yes, but while on base, it was easier to be recognised by the injured if they could tell the soldiers and nurses apart.

Or at least that was the reasoning given to you.

You simply believed that it gave bored soldiers something to ogle at.

"Vira, you made it!"

It had been three years since you last saw her and clearly she was one of god's favourite, having aged gracefully and looking as beautiful as ever.

"I'm so proud of you!"

The doctor placed her clipboards down, holding you in a motherly embrace. Her hair tickled your nose and you practically memorised the scent of her baby cologne, a soft and comforting smell that eased her uneasiness almost immediately. (You definitely had to ask her about it later.)

Collaborating closely with the higher-ups, she was present in the three years spent in training, acting as the head doctor and overseeing the basic medical training given to everyone. She checked in frequently with the field nurses undergoing combat training and taught extra classes on field injuries and surgeries.

Not to mention the times the times she snuck in snacks from the outside, a mother to all and a blessing from a above. 

"I know its your first day but I promise that we'll catch up when we have the time, okay? Now on to today's duties..."

The first day was supposed to be an easy one- health screenings and evaluations to make sure the soldiers were in tip-top condition for the next expedition. Make them fill out forms, take some blood then send to their merry way.

You were assigned to the last station and to say you were excited was an understatement. Collecting blood was your favourite thing to do and just the thought of blood being sucked up by the needle on the _first_ try was enough to make you bounce on your feet. A satisfying feeling.

What you didn't expect was the endless flirting.

Boys, men and women, away from home, touch-starved and eager for release but served only as a pain in your ass. You could almost understand why, even showed a little sympathy but it was annoying and it got in the way of work. The other nurses giggled, some entertaining their antics while others like yourself were nothing more than a concrete wall.

"You know, I think you'd look beautiful if you smiled more."

Blinking lazily, you reached for his arm. "I would?"

 _"Definitely."_ He threw you a wink and you swore you threw up a little.

Tracing the veins on his arm, you fluttered your lashes and inched closer, lowering your voice to a whisper. "You know what makes _me_ happy?"

He inched closer as well, probably thinking that his charm (or whatever the fuck) had worked.

_"If you shut the fuck up and stop with the unsolicited comments."_

"What- fuck!"

The needle was practically shoved into his skin and your grip was steady, unmoving despite his protests while the others looked on at the commotion. This was not the first nor the last but at least you were having fun. In your head, you had mentally compiled a list of who had yelled the loudest after flirting with you and so far, this dude was ranking high up on the list.

You shot him the fakest smile you could muster while the rest of the nurses shared glances. It was no secret that you handled things differently but it was all thanks to your upbringing in the underground. It was rough while it lasted but it gave you an early head-start, a feat you felt proud of.

Plus, it taught you not to take shit from anyone. _They_ , you corrected yourself. _They taught you not to take shit from anyone._ _I hope Levi and Farlan are proud, wherever they are._

The next few hours passed quick, the other nurses had taken your lead and the needle had become a weapon of terror against the unwanted attention.

"That's the last of them," everyone sighed in relief, only for us to groan when Dr Shan continued her sentence. "The special squads will be due for their checkup soon so rest up before then."

_Special squads?_

A throbbing pain was growing in your head and you pinched the bridge of your nose for relief, an old habit that was unlikely to go away anytime soon.

The special squads were a blur to you, having not pay attention to class when they were going through the hierarchy. You would have paid attention, had you not been sore from the day before but it didn't bother you. Besides, the only important figure you needed to know was Commander Erwin, the other names and ranks could be picked up later when you needed to.

"Vira, you doing good sweetie?" Dr Shan's voice sounded like honey to your ears and her presence felt like a warm blanket around your shoulders. "Headache?"

You nodded weakly. 

"Good thing I brought over a warm compress. You looked like you needed it." 

Again, Dr Shan was heaven sent.

The two of you caught up, chatting with a few other nurses that had joined in until a knock interrupted. At the door was a tall blonde man with the bluest eyes you've ever seen and beside him was a man whose piercing gray eyes were fixed on yours.


	13. field medic 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ henlo, in this update I bring you a short reunion cake. ✿
> 
> as usual, leave me some kudos and comments, they give me a reason to live (and continue with the story).
> 
> X

It felt like the air was sucked out of your lungs and for a moment, it felt like time had suspended itself in the air.

Strands of hair covered his piercing grey eyes and you could only stare, straining your eyes to find any ounce of emotion in the eyes you so vaguely remember. His hair had grown longer and he looked older, years having caught up to him yet it felt like just yesterday when you both were zipping through the streets causing chaos and treating civilians.

_Do whatever it takes for you to survive and know your enemies._

It was a rule you lived by while you lived in the underground and it was a rule that kept you safe. Except, he wasn't an enemy and you no longer knew where he stood in your life.

"Commander Erwin, how lovely to see you! Come in, come in."

The magnetic stare was broken and you hung your head, taking deep breaths to curb the sudden breathlessness. 

For years you doubted yourself for leaving them, waiting patiently for them after the letter you received, a sliver of hope lighting up at the chance to make amends and become a family again but...nothing. Though, it wasn't his fault. He was on a mission with his identity concealed and the most you could do was wait.

_What else could you have done?_

A surge of emotions ran through your head and it felt dizzying to even think about it. Were you angry? Were you sad? Were you... _happy_? If anything, it made your head throb even more and you winced at the discomfort, pressing the warm compress harder onto your head. 

The nurses were back on their stations, waiting eagerly for the special squads to finish with the first station- physical examinations. You could almost see the excitement in their eyes at the thought of having the strongest soldiers strip to their underwear in front of them but you felt numb to it.

"I wonder what Squad Leader Mike looks like underneath..." Beside you sat another nurse with a dreamy look to his face. _Albert_ was it? When you gave him a dirty look, he simply rolled his eyes. "Don't even deny it, we _both_ have _eyes_. You okay? You look out of it."

You hummed in reply, ignoring his gaze.

People were beginning to emerge from the green privacy screen and the antsy feeling returned as you counted down to when _he_ would finally emerge and reach your station. Taking a sip of water, you swirled it around to cure the dryness in your mouth. 

"So, you and Captain Levi, huh?" 

You choked, sending a spray of water towards him. While he was visibly disgusted, there was also a little smirk on his face and you knew he was satisfied with the reaction he had gotten from you. 

"Who the fuck gave you _that_ idea?"

" _You_. Dumbass," He handed you a paper towel, helping you to sanitise your table while you worked on the wet patch on your skirt. Day one and you were already a flustered wreck. "The room was practically _seething_ with sexual tension and I want in on the tea."

"There's nothing between us." You said through gritted teeth. He sure was an observant little shit and it made you even antsier, wondering if the tension between you was that noticeable to the rest.

"Really? So you wouldn't mind if I took a bite of him then?" 

"Be my guest."

Grey eyes emerged from the partition, fingers working on the buttons of his shirt and you wanted nothing more than to leave. His eyes darted around the room, stopping only when they found yours and you gulped sinking lower in your seat while he made his way to you.

_You handled the flirting with grace, now do the same._

The chair screeched in protest, his boots brushing against yours. He rolled up his sleeves and placed his arm on the table, his eyes never leaving your face. It made your cheeks warm but you pushed through it, internally struggling to focus on the task.

"Vira."

"Levi."

There was a palpable tension between you and it left a bitter taste in your mouth. Years of friendship and it all amounted to this strained conversation?

His arm felt warm to touch and it was surreal to think that after years of separation, he was right here in front of you. There was a longing in your heart almost impossible to ignore and had you not been on duty, you would have smacked him and maybe hugged him right after.

Who knows?

Placing a square patch of gauze on his arm, your fingers wrapped themselves around his biceps, thumb applying pressure while your eyes roamed the room, looking anywhere but his. You made no move to start a conversation, even when you felt his fingers on yours.

"Vira, look at me." His eyes were cold and unyielding, a flurry of emotions swirling through them and you caught a glimpse of one almost akin to desperation. "I-"

"MEDIC!" The voice thundered in the hallway, followed by a young soldier skirting through the door. Visibly shaken, he stuttered over his words, hands frantically trying to explain the situation. "He went over the wall and it's bad, its really bad-"

"Lead us to him." Grabbing the emergency bag, Dr Shan followed after him. "Vira, Alby, with me."

Commander Erwin raised a brow, nodding to Levi and Hanji, who was rubbing the a spot on her arm. Together, they followed in their wake, mounting their horses and galloping through the streets.

It was an unruly sight.

The breeze was beginning to pick up and before you was a 50 meter drop, straight into the mouths of hungry titans. The screams of the terrified recruit echoed through the field below as the support team fought their way through the small horde of titans. The garrison stood by the canons, awaiting patiently for Commander Erwin to give the command should they be used. 

_"It was only supposed to be a dare but-but it got out of hand when he lost control."_

The soldier was injured and unable to use his ODM Gear, thus taking refuge on a nearby tree while he waited anxiously for the support team. He was pale, even from afar and it was starting to worry you. Although no canons were used, the horde was steadily growing, sending an uneasy feeling down your spine.

A soldier flew up next to the Commander, "Sir, it's not working. We might need to wait for the sun to set-"

"You can't," You interjected. "He won't make it, he's losing too much blood."

The Commander studied you, eyes squinting for a split second before he lapsed into an easy smile. "You have a plan."

"I do. Right now, we're wasting time and energy fighting them off when we don't need to. Send the support team to the right side of the walls, away from the injured and have them hang as bait. That's all there to it, hang as bait, draw attention away from the injured and then swoop in to save him when the uglies aren't looking."

The soldier glanced between you and the commander, only snapping out of it when Commander Erwin raised his brow at him. "You heard her, get to it." Turning to you, he tilted his head slightly before turning his attention back to the scene before him. "And will you be attempting the rescue?"

You shot him a lopsided grin. "Yes, sir. If you can't bring the injured to the medic, bring the medic to the injured. The faster I stabilise him, the better."

He nodded, not bothering to stop you. It was almost as if he expected your response, sharing a brief look with Levi who merely sighed.

Strapping on the leather contraption, you folded the lengths of your skirt into makeshift pants and tested out the handles of the gear, hearing it click in place until you felt someone beside you. Slinging the bag over your shoulder, you ignored him until it became too much.

His presence was both suffocating and comforting and it felt like he was breathing down your neck.

"You're not-"

"We both know that never worked on me."

"Tch," he sighed and flicked your forehead, a certain tenderness to his gaze. "Always quick to assume. I was going to say, you're not going alone. Not this time."

"Just like old times sake?"

He hummed in response and for once, you were sure of what you were feeling. The corners of your lips quirked up and a glint of mischief had settled in your eyes, a look he was all too familiar with.

Once the horde was gone, you fell forward, heart lurching at the dizzying magnitude. "Race ya!" You called out.

The air swooshed past you as Levi followed behind, zipping through the buildings and trees and you never felt more alive. It reminded you of the underground, save for the bright blue skies above you and it felt like you had a piece of your heart back.


	14. the notebook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ Henlo ✿
> 
> I've based this chapter on AOT's OVA: illse langar's notebook!

The sun shone mercilessly, the heat of it prickling against your skin as you shifted uncomfortably on your horse.

Gone were the white dress and uncomfortable shoes, today you donned on the official uniform, the winged insignia bright against the green cape on your back with the boots tied tight against your calves.

The 35th expedition left everyone antsy and nervous, eyes darting nervously between the gates and the field beyond it, the dread of having a 50/50 chance of coming back staying in the back of everyone's mind.

You couldn’t blame them, it was a risk everyone had signed up for but were ultimately not ready to face. You on the other hand, felt numb to the thought of dying. Years of seeing dead people laying on the pavement of the streets had left you desensitised to death.

Waiting in formation, you stayed sandwiched between the supply carts, fellow medics spread all around you as everyone waited for the gates to open. It was your first expedition, the skies were bluer than ever and you couldn’t help the excitement that ran through your blood. 

_“Oi, come on!”_

_“I said no, four-eyes.”_

Turning, you caught sight of Squad Leader Hanji tailing behind Levi as they made their way to the front. She pulled back when she saw you, her arm reaching around you in a vice-like grip and you cursed, almost falling off your horse as she pressed her cheek against yours.

“Hey, Reeder! You’ll help me right? Come on, catching a titan will-”

“Leave her out of this.” His voice was sharp, sending a glare towards Hanji before narrowing his eyes at you. “Don’t get any funny ideas. Stay in formation.”

_Oh?_

Rolling your eyes, you gave him a sweet smile while put an arm around her, “Why don’t we ask Commander Erwin about this? If he says yes, I’ll help you.”

Her brows raised in surprise, momentarily stunned by your response before her hands followed after as she whooped in delight. She trudged forward, leaving behind a scowling Levi.

“You’re gonna regret that.”

“We’ll talk about it when you’re done avoiding me.”

His scowl deepened as he looked around. No one was looking but he was sure some ears were very much tuned in to their conversation. Lowering his voice, he leaned towards you, “I’m not avoid-”

The garrison stationed above the wall signalled towards the ones below and he trudged forth with a heavy sigh. “We'll talk..." he called back. "...when we get back.” 

He settled beside Squad Leader Mike, arms crossed and no doubt annoyed while you scrutinised his body language from the back and that of Mike and Hanji beside him, ignoring the curious looks around you.

Mike and Levi were no doubt annoyed with their upbeat counterpart, ignoring her attempts to rope them into capturing a titan with her, but beneath their tough exteriors, you could sense a kinship between them, a similar bond you had with Farlan and Levi back in the past.

_Things will never be the same, huh?_

Adjusting the medical bag on your shoulder, you ignored the longing you felt in your chest.

Part of you wanted to sit in his office and have a proper conversation about the years of baggage you carried around but part of you also wanted to delay it further to salvage whatever neutrality you both had right now.

It wasn't exactly a white flag, you simply co-existed in the same place, like planets rotating around the sun. Or at least that's what you remembered from little Armin's book. It was low of you to accuse him of avoiding you when you were lowkey doing the same but honestly, you enjoyed seeing him riled up.

 _Woah, okay that’s weird. Where did that come from?_

A warmth had spread across your cheeks and you mentally smacked yourself for the weird thoughts.

_It’s Levi, you idiot. He’s like a...he’s my..._

_Well, what are we?_

The gates opened with a bang and you pushed your wondering thoughts to the back of your head, instead pushing your horse forth for the freedom of humanity.

Sweat trickled down your forehead and you grunted as you wheeled in an injured.

The tent was set on uneven ground and the houses in sight were unstable for use. Although the journey was relatively short, getting here was a daunting task and the ugly-giants spared no one, eating soldiers left and right and destroying almost half of the formation. 

The sleeves of your jacket flapped around, hitting your thighs from where you tied it around your waist. "Hey, stay awake. You're gonna make it home I swear." The boy could only groan, going in and out of consciousness as blood poured out from where his arm used to be. 

Settling him on the makeshift bed, you left him in the hands of Alby, while you tended to the rest of the injured.

You were down with nineteen medics from the twenty-four you had started with and while the odds were in your favour, it made you shudder to think about what would happen on the journey back. The 36th expedition was not too faraway and it would be reckless to send the corps out without field medics.

"Reeder! I'm heading by Erwin's-"

"Not now, Hanji!" You skirted around her, rushing to subdue the bleeding on a girl's thigh. It was a deep cut and you swore you could almost see a bone but there was still a chance of her surviving and you were not about to lose it. "Alby, alcohol!" 

"V, we're loosing him!" 

Cursing under your breath, you went auto-pilot as you navigated around the tent. There was no sound in this state, simply tasks to do and blood to stop. By the time all the injured had been treated, nearly all the medics were elbows deep in blood and there were at least fifteen dead.

A dull ache in your head was slowly spreading and you headed towards a nearby stream, where the water ran red as you took turns to wash the blood off from your hands and to think that you were only halfway through this perilous journey, what more could possibly-

A sharp whistle pierced the air and there was a flurry of movement outside the tent. _"Titans! Titans in the forest!"_ There was a rush of movement as everyone hurried to load the injured onto the cart. 

"Go, go!"

Running out, you jerked back at the impact of a solid chest. His eyes were wide and livid, boring down on you as his eyes darted around the nearly empty tent.

"Where is she!"

"Who?"

He muttered some curses before storming off and you trailed behind him as you struggled to think of who he was referring to. "Hey, wait! Who are you-"

_"I'll catch one, just watch!"_

_"No, Squad Leader wait!"_

Before you knew it, the wind had whooshed past you, leaving dust in your wake. Her hair bounced to the gallop of her horse, heading straight into the forest.

"Hanji, wait!" Mounting your horse, you bolted after her. Oh god, you had forgotten about her. It's no wonder he was furious.

"I'll fucking kill her." He called from behind you. 

The squad leader had zeroed in on a lone titan, seemingly abnormal from the way its beady eyes were focused on her. It turned your blood cold, how calculative its glances seemed to be. 

Releasing a red flare, the rest of Squad Levi shortly emerged, providing backup as you chased her and the titan around the forest. You could feel their questioning looks on your back but paid no heed to it, listening to Hanji as she continued to talk to the damn titan.

_"Hey nice weather today, isn’t it?”_

_You crazy bitch I swear to-_

The ugly giant faltered for a moment, eyes focused on the forest before changing its course. An uneasiness settled in your stomach as it lured everyone deeper into the forest.

"It's not acting like an abnormal." A voice interjected, and it came from a girl beside you, around your age, if not younger.

"Abnormal or not, we go in for the kill."

Glancing over at Levi, you gave him a nod as you went ahead. Unspoken words hung between you but it felt the same as it always had, _stay safe_.

The titan had led Hanji to a clearing where a large tree stood in the middle. Staying close to the edge, you leaped onto a tree branch, using your ODM Gear to propel yourself forward from tree to tree until you were perched on a branch directly below the titan.

_This doesn't feel right._

The titan was acting... Well, it felt like it deliberately brought Hanji here and the uneasiness grew in your gut. 

_Was it an abnormal? Or was it...something else?_

Whatever it was, it was repeatedly slamming its head against the tree trunk and you had to anchor yourself onto the tree for support.

_"Oh, was this where you wanted to bring-"_

"Hanji, watch out!"

Its large hand slammed against the ground, narrowly missing her as she settled beside you on the branch. "Well, that wasn't very nice wasn't it?"

There was a flurry of movement as a figure leaped into the air, blades out and ready. Bringing his blades down, it was inches away from its neck until-

"Wait, don't!"

Caught off guard, he was suspended in the air before a large hand had him in its grasp. He squirmed against the titan's grip, crying out of fear and you swung yourself forward, stabbing out its eyes before it fell forward with a thump.

Standing on its steaming neck was none other than Levi himself, emerging from the steam with deep-seated fury in his eyes. There was a collective gasp as he stalked towards the squad leader, hand curled tightly around her collar. "If you want to be titan shit, then be my guest, but _don't_ pull the others into it."

“...Titans don't have bowel...”

You leaned against the trunk, mind whirling at everything that happened and nearly falling into it when you met empty space. Frowning, you inspected the hole closer, goosebumps trailing over your skin as your jaw slackened.

"Guys..."

_That was no ordinary titan. Whatever that was, did...this._

"Guys!"

They whirled around with full attention, eyes widening at the sight.

In front of you sat a headless corpse, its body wearing the survey corps uniform.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been dragging out the long awaited h2h between OC & Levi because I'm exploring different ways of going about it. Half of me wants her to rage and go at it but the other half of me is like, ye she chill.
> 
> We'll see soon enough! [I'll come back and edit this chapter if need be!<3]
> 
> Leave me some kudos and comments, they fuel my engine HAHAH
> 
> ✿G


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